Three little words

There are three little words bound to make me start shaking and make my teeth chatter.

Not, "I love you". Not, "Remove your pants". No, not even "It's your child".

The three little words I'm referring to are:

Simple. Blood. Test

Two things on this: firstly, "simple" is all well and good if you're not absolutely screamingly terrified of blood tests. Secondly, well, there isn't a second thing but do I really need one? Isn't my overwhelming phobia enough to win me some sympathy, here?

I've been frightened of blood tests since I was five years old. I will never, ever forgive my father for refusing to administer the proper dose of Panado syrup to cure my bad headache - he chose to sleep on the couch in front of the telly instead, and I ended up downing half a bottle of Panado syrup. This was followed by a mad dash to the Red Cross Children's Hospital, a screaming match between my parents, and a blood test. The latter would have been fine, but panicky adults = panicky child = kicking and yelling and having to be held down for the blood test.

Fast-forward 22 years, and the very action of straightening my arm for a blood test is enough to make me turn green and start crying. I know it's irrational. I know that once the needle is in, it's a matter of seconds before it's all over (I have good veins, which is very fortunate). But this is a phobia we're talking about, people. Irrational terror. No intellectual reason for my horror.

So why the rambling? Well, it seems likely that on Friday morning I will be enduring some "simple blood tests". Long story short, I've felt ill - nauseous - for about six months now. The last time I went to the pharmacy to stock up on Valoid, I described my symptoms, and the pharmacist said: "Are you pregnant, maybe?"
Ummmmm, unlikely. But thanks for asking.

I'm not with child, unless the Lord G-d has an amazing sense of humour and is trying that "immaculate conception" thing on with a Jewish woman again. There must be another reason for my nausea, and because self-diagnosis is absolutely futile, I must face my fears and drag myself to the doc...ugh. Friday is my day off, and I'm now spending it a) at the doctor (with possibility of blood tests) and b) at the dentist (with certainty of fillings, plus please please please CERTAINTY of drugs).

I really need to rethink my idea of leisure time.